A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
