Sry I called you an 8
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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