Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
