I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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