dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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