if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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