For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
