My first STD was from a foam party
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
