I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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