it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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