i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I cut my penus on the lid.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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