just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
