I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
