I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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