and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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