I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i will never coherently bang her
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
