Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
