What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
