drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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