I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Randomize
