i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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