i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
