Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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