I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
