He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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