Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
