Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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