Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
When did angry sex become our thing?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
