I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
