only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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