Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
