Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
