I need help removing her.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
