i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
