just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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