He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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