Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
