I will die if light touches me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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