She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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