I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
