I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
