who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
