They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
