Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
