He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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