She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Randomize
