Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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