I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think your dad took our porno
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
