Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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