So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
