woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
